At first, I tried coming up with a witty title for this post. Then I realized the beauty in the simplicity of "Breast Force!" After all, what higher beauty is there than the "force" of the breast?

I saw an article at IESB.net called The Most Ridiculous Transformers...Ever. That was referring to a really good article over at GeekDad, listing the 12 stupidest Transformer ideas in the history of the franchise. G1 fans will recognize several, including Kup, Cosmo, Huffer, and Ratbat, whose "sole reason for his existence seems to be to bump Kup and Huffer each one slot down on this list."

I've stayed away from a lot of the fringe Transformers spin-offs, but I'm at least aware of them. Or so I thought. When I saw the entry for Dezaras from Transformers: Victory, it gave me pause.

The Decepticon leader in that series was Deszaras, a monstrous robot bird that hated adult humans but had a soft spot for kids. Creepy. Deszaras further differentiated himself from the Megatrons of the world by commanding the ultra-elite Decepticon Breast Force, and I'm totally not making that part up.

No, he certainly wasn't. No, it's not a typo. Click the Wikipedia article for confirmation.

Yes Virginia, there is a Decepticon Breast Force.

Wikipedia: The reason for the name Breast Force is their toy gimmick. Each Breast Forcer came with a detachable breastplate that transformed into an animal attack partner which could also transform into a weapon.

My brain is coming apart at the seams trying to process all of the potential jokes here. How did I miss this? How did I remain ignorant of Breast Force all this time? I've lost decades of riffing here. I'm considering suing someone. In the meantime, I'm trying really hard not to quote Pat Benatar's "Sex as a Weapon" song, as most of our readers won't remember much of the 80's.

Still, there's nothing like killing someone with your breasts. Breast Force FTW!

UPDATE:

Let's not forget how the male anatomy fits into the Transformers universe too!

I was so distracted by the Breast Force (who wouldn't be?) that I completely missed Heinlad, from Beast Wars Neo. Apparently, Henilad is a tanuki, a Japanese animal that is part-raccoon and part-dog, with... umm... some rather exaggerated anatomical parts, which can apparently be used as either a seat or as drums.

No, seriously. Check Wikipedia. I think I need a shower...